TWCL

[SpasticDisaster]

I've waited quite awhile to pitch my comic. Mostly to make sure I had plenty of strips for you folks to take in. I currently have around 50 strips, and I think I've established a good feel. I'm only just hitting my stride, and know I still need work.
I appreciate any input.
Please check it out.
Thanks guys.

Beyond Good-N-Evil
http://www.beyondgoodnevil.com

[vulpeslibertas]

Try toning done the color of your side-bar, or coloring it. It stands out sharply, distracting from your comic.

Your comic is very jagged and very busy. I recommend thinning some of the less important lines, so they don't compete with the important boundary lines around people. Also, making your panel borders thicker and straighter will help them stand out from your comic, emphasizing that the image is several panels, not just one big picture.

The font is hard to read.

Breaking the fourth wall (Where the cast talks directly to the audience) should almost always be avoided in a serious story. It's ok for humor stories, but is generally overdone. I don't think it adds anything to your comic, and most people would probably never notice if you deleted it.

I want to be interested in your characters and it feels like your trying to go somewhere with a story, but you never really seem to get there. It's like you're telling fragments of a story that aren't really tied together. Try cutting out more of the random stuff.

I think you would have a lot better buy in if every comic was clearly part of a single story. It doesn't have to advance the plot of the storyline, but it should be clearly tied to the storyline. The random dying/loss of soul is ok to make jokes about because it's story related. The cockroach and Samantha-what's-her name feel like they're in a completely different world. It might as well be a different comic.

Now, for example, if the cockroach died and made a deal with the devil to come back as a demon, the cockroah clearly has something to do with the comic's overall story. It doesn't do anything for the story, it doesn't necessarily develop the characters, or reveal important plot points, but it matches the rest of the comic in a storyline sense.

I think the comic has a lot of potential, but the graphics should be cleaned up a little and I think you need a clear story line. The audience doesn't really get a promise of a real storyline until death's phone call mentioning foreshadowing.

As always, it's your comic, so do what you feel will make it the best comic. It looks like you put a fair amount of time into this, so squeeze all you can out of that time.
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