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Re-agree/indenture of apostles

 
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PAKU



Joined: 06 Apr 2014
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2014 1:27 pm    Post subject: Re-agree/indenture of apostles Reply with quote

Hello ,all.This is my webcomic.


[/url]http://reagree-indentureofapostles.smackjeeves.com/

Re-agree/indenture of apostles is an Action/Fantasy comic.

Old wizards announced the abolishment of the indenture. For the purposes of the respective, the magician's 12 apostles and humans have signed an indenture.
Young boy Linsa has a weird disease.One day, on his way home to rescue the one being chased apostle Alice. Henceforth,he began the adventure of destiny.




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MindChimera



Joined: 03 Feb 2013
Posts: 306

PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2014 6:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Beautiful artwork, especially the colored pages. The large resolution doesn't really work out if you do a double page spread, though - consider shrinking those by about 50% to fit your site's resolution, so you can fit both pages on one screen side-by-side. Side-scroll on a website isn't friendly for mouse users.

The translation is really awkward to the point of being distracting and a bit confusing. You should probably have a native English speaker look over it.

For example: on this page, one of the characters says "Daddy gave birth to such a naive kid." That's completely the wrong phrase to use, because we don't use "give birth" for men in English. Giving birth, in a literal sense, refers directly to the process of coming out of the mother's womb.

The lettering itself could also be better. Centered text alignment, take the extra spaces away from apostrophes (I don't know if it's your font doing that or what), add spaces after periods, and keep the text away from the edge of the bubble. I know you're probably working with something that's already in another language and just changing the text, so there probably isn't a lot of room to change the bubbles. If you had a native English speaker with a good eye for this, they could likely come up with a way to fill the bubbles properly.

Artwork is fantastic, but this is difficult to read in English.
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PAKU



Joined: 06 Apr 2014
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 1:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

MindChimera wrote:
Beautiful artwork, especially the colored pages. The large resolution doesn't really work out if you do a double page spread, though - consider shrinking those by about 50% to fit your site's resolution, so you can fit both pages on one screen side-by-side. Side-scroll on a website isn't friendly for mouse users.

The translation is really awkward to the point of being distracting and a bit confusing. You should probably have a native English speaker look over it.

For example: on this page, one of the characters says "Daddy gave birth to such a naive kid." That's completely the wrong phrase to use, because we don't use "give birth" for men in English. Giving birth, in a literal sense, refers directly to the process of coming out of the mother's womb.

The lettering itself could also be better. Centered text alignment, take the extra spaces away from apostrophes (I don't know if it's your font doing that or what), add spaces after periods, and keep the text away from the edge of the bubble. I know you're probably working with something that's already in another language and just changing the text, so there probably isn't a lot of room to change the bubbles. If you had a native English speaker with a good eye for this, they could likely come up with a way to fill the bubbles properly.

Artwork is fantastic, but this is difficult to read in English.


Thanks for your proposal,friend.You are right,my Englishi is not good.
But for your example ,I must explain to you.Today,our Chinese people also say like 'I give you a baby'to show the ture love,but we don't think this express is good for you.It's means somebody love somebody and bith the baby.But maybe you will be misunderstood,so I amend it.Of caurse,two guys are not the gay,they just play fun.
As you said the problem about lettering,I will improve immediately.
I recently distress, my comics unwelcome. But your comments remind me.Thank you for correcting me again and I hope you can give more comments.
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PAKU



Joined: 06 Apr 2014
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2014 7:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now I corrected it.I think you can read my manga feel better.
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