TWCL Forum Index TWCL
Forums for The Webcomic List
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

The Chronicles of Crosarth - a Steampunk Adventure

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    TWCL Forum Index -> The "Check out my comic" forum!
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Traegorn



Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 157

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 2:48 am    Post subject: The Chronicles of Crosarth - a Steampunk Adventure Reply with quote

So I recently launched a new webcomic, set in a Steampunk world, called The Chronicles of Crosarth. It's, admittedly, a bit odd - but I think it's fun...

http://www.crosarth.com/

Check it out!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
vulpeslibertas
Level 1 threat


Joined: 19 Dec 2005
Posts: 2489
Location: Here and there...mostly there. Sometimes kinda in between.

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 4:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I checked it out. Steampunk and talking squids, eh? Looks like you're going somewhere interesting.

Hope you don't mind a few points of constructive critique:
Shameless Critique Hound wrote:
The art is good with interesting use of incomplete panels, the sepia fits your comic's mood.

Site design could use bigger Navigation buttons. It's a pretty busy website, and the buttons are 10 point font hidden under the comic. Consider using images as buttons.

The word bubble flow is difficult on page "Exploring", and in general you're probably trying to put too much text on one page.

Best area for improvement is your writing style. It's solid and tells us what we need to know, but it flows a little unnaturally with characters basically narrating everything. That all depends on what effect you're going for. If you want to remind readers they're reading a webcomic and play a little more creative with the 4th wall and Hammerspace, then keep doing what you're doing. If you want more immersion, I'd try to be a little more indirect and make your readers assume more about the world than explain it through character narration.

_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Traegorn



Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 157

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 6:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Exploring" should have been two pages, it's true. It's a lesson I learned with later pages.

As for the exposition, it's just like that for Chapter One because there's so much to set up in very little time. It'll be greatly reduced from thereon out.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
vulpeslibertas
Level 1 threat


Joined: 19 Dec 2005
Posts: 2489
Location: Here and there...mostly there. Sometimes kinda in between.

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 6:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Naw, you don't have to explain yourself. It's your comic - do it because you love it. It's just a random drive-by critiquing.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
dpat57
Ich bin ein webcomicker


Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Posts: 2585
Location: Sunny/wet/windy Scotland

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 10:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, that is fun. Talking squid, lighter-than-air metal, what's not to like? Although I have this feeling I already know everything, that it's all been explained to me up front. Explained in words, mostly in static talk panels, with little or no imagery to accompany the backstory and make it more interesting. I think that's where the comic falls down.

The site looks okay but the color scheme felt a little drab after a while, especially that uninteresting iron plating background pic which fills the screen for a second during every page refresh.

The commander needs to look a little more feminine.

Just my opinion, don't feel obliged to agree. Good luck with it.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
vulpeslibertas
Level 1 threat


Joined: 19 Dec 2005
Posts: 2489
Location: Here and there...mostly there. Sometimes kinda in between.

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 1:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dpat57 wrote:
I think that's where the comic falls down.
I don't think that's a fall-down offense. Smile
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Traegorn



Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 157

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 3:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

dpat57 wrote:
The commander needs to look a little more feminine
I don't understand that comment, honestly.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
dpat57
Ich bin ein webcomicker


Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Posts: 2585
Location: Sunny/wet/windy Scotland

PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 9:56 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't see the character as looking feminine enough, it's that simple. The other characters referred to her as she, ma'am, etc. but every time I saw her in a panel, I had to remind myself this isn't a guy. Maybe it's not being able to see her eyes (is she wearing unusually shaped sunglasses?), and/or lack of close ups to accentuate any feminine attributes, and/or the huge feet? Sure, these are style choices; I'm just saying how I reacted to this character's appearance. As already stated, don't feel obliged to agree!

Traegorn wrote:
I don't understand that comment, honestly.
dpat57 wrote:
The commander needs to look a little more feminine

_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Traegorn



Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 157

PostPosted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 4:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well, The Chronicles of Crosarth has now reached 200 pages! Woot!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    TWCL Forum Index -> The "Check out my comic" forum! All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group

Hosted by Fluent
The Webcomics List is operated and owned by Ash Young. Syndicate the comic updates.