TWCL

efugee · Joined: 29 Jun 2005 Posts: 31

I just started up a new comic called Geist Panik!(http://www.Geist-Panik.com), which is a comedy about the supernatural adventures of a girl who has been possessed and can now see things like ghosts and monsters that move among us unnoticed everyday.

This is the first story based comic I have ever done, and was hoping to get some feedback and hear what people think about it before i start any kind of ad campaigns.

The website is still getting some work done, but the first 8 strips are online now. So check it out and let me know what you think.
=]

here is a sample, the rest are at http://www.Geist-Panik.com

Liliy · Joined: 24 Jun 2008 Posts: 268

Ha ha, that's pretty good so far. ^_^ Very amusing - I might have to check it out later when you've got more strips up.

The artwork is good and I like your sense of humor. Cheers for the lamp. Very Happy

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TGecko · Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 230 Location: Germaninny

"I can smell your jiblets!" Laughing

I like the character. Not a fan of the "armchair flashback." The setting is intriguing enough to keep me coming back, though.

**edit: Before I forget, what's your update schedule?
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I like to think of myself as a "learning experience."
"Girl With No Magic" reborn!

thestripedone · Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 4:04 pm Post subject:

Definitely spell-check and revise your dialogue and wordy bits before posting. "Tattoo" has two ts in the middle bit, for instance.

"Is that something kids do these days."
Yes, it's just as bad as when we end our statements with question marks?
No, let's end exclamations with a question mark instead?
What are you talking about!

"tangible" with an i.

I've never seen friggin' spelled like that, but I suppose it doesn't really matter. "Hallucinating care bears", however, implies that the care bears were the ones which were hallucinating.

gibberish!

So my critique consists entirely of: spell check, grammar check, re-write your dialogue and make sure it doesn't look like you spent approximately 1 minute on it for the entire page.

The art looks good, at least. I can't see any immediate problems with the website, either.

Nismorack · Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 415 Location: Netherlands

I concur with the previous poster.

Also in the last comic, the last panel was hard to read. It took me a while to figure out not all the balloons were connected, and that they were being spoken by another person off panel.

Also most of it leading up to that was funny. The last page was less funny.

But I like the premise and the art. Just work on the speeling (see what I did there? That was so horribly cliche).
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Enter the Madness...

thestripedone · Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 6:42 pm Post subject:

cliché with an é

Dutch · Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:52 pm Post subject:

I disagree with the 'hallucinating' sentence, but the rest they're correct in... er... correcting. Anyway... looks clean and entertaining just from this strip you've shown. I'll have a look later on into the archive (however large they are) and try to get back to you.

Oh... and spirits peeking in on people on the loo or in the bath... you can get away with that quite often. Trust me! Smile

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thestripedone · Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:23 pm Post subject:

Dutch wrote:

I disagree with the 'hallucinating' sentence, but the rest they're correct in... er... correcting.

This is a so-called "hedgehog sentence" (at least that's what I've heard it called).

e.g. "Jane watched the birds in her pyjamas"

who is in the pyjamas?

Linguistically speaking, the hallucinating sentence can be interpreted two ways:

All I remember was hallucinating (adjectival description) carebears

or

All I remember was hallucinating (verb) carebears

So while it's technically not wrong per se, it would be clearer to say "All I can remember is hallucinating about carebears" or something like that.

Anyway, the specific instance is unimportant compared to the general "Proofread your work and don't be afraid to rewrite it" sentiment.

and that's why I spent this post talking about the specific sentence. Oh yeah.

What can I say, I'm feeling contrary today.

efugee · Joined: 29 Jun 2005 Posts: 31

Thanks so much for the advice. I've always been bad with the technical aspects of the writing, something to do with wording it at three in the AM and all the changes i end up making to the dialogue. Plus my fingers have the dexterity of sausages. If you see any more errors like that, please let me know! =D

Parad0x · Joined: 05 Nov 2007 Posts: 225 Location: Australia

Heh. Gotta say I like the concept and the art. So far it's pretty damn good. Your site is simple and attractive. Your art is clean and eye catching. The humour is good and in some places has made me actually chuckle out loud which is a good sign.

And I have to say, using "The drapes match the carpet!" as a make shift battle cry endeared me to your comic, as did the German ghost in the same panel Razz

The only issues I've had so far were a few nit picking spelling and grammar issues...main one so far is that you called runes 'ruins' in your jar description...I almost yelled out loud at my computer over that one Razz

But I rekon with a bit more proof reading you'll have a very good all rounded comic Smile

.

Keep it up mate!
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Nismorack · Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 415 Location: Netherlands

Have someone else look at your comic before publishing it.

I often miss spelling errors because I've been staring at it for so long. It helps to get a fresh pair of eyes.
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Enter the Madness...

James Sawatsky · Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 10:58 pm Post subject:

I likes it! I likes it much! Good job. I would've stolen the lamp, too.

Demongoldfish · Joined: 21 Jan 2008 Posts: 27

i love it!
good art and the writing cracks me up. only issues have already been said

Cathy_Morgan · Joined: 05 Aug 2008 Posts: 1

Hello everyone.

I am new in here in this forum. Actually, I am new in world of tattoos itself as well, as I never got one.

But now I think it's about time and I am in search for tattoo designs.
I would appreciate some suggestion for where I can find interesting and original ideas for shoulder tattoo.

So far I consider one place, but I wonder if anyone have maybe tried it before, please share your opinion on that.
I would really appreciate.

But as for now, I am going to go throw messages and pick up some ideas.

http://tinyurl.com/5em8zn

So long!

NobbyNobody · Joined: 16 Nov 2007 Posts: 678 Location: England

I'm glad the spamscum above resurrected this thread because it's given me a chance to re-read this comic.
I love the writing. Period. The background gags made me laugh out loud and the weird juxtaposition of the serious and occasionally brutal (see episode 11) storyline with the jokes really works, even though it shouldn't.
The wall of weapons in episode 13 is genius. Nice to see a fellow Whofan too!
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