TWCL

[Linear Comics]

Hi I'm new around here. I recently bought a domain and started making my own comics. Below is my first ever online comic which I made a few days or so ago, I know it's not great and I would appreciate advice for my future mini strips.



Many thanks

-Dan

[Linear Comics]

Here is the second episode with colour. I really need advice on how to improve as I'm still not happy with certain aspects of the comic but I'm not sure how to impove it, like the colouring.



-Dan
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[Debt On]

I'm not getting your jokes at all. Maybe you need some character development before those will work?

Your drawings of the characters seem fine. You should try and tighten up your composition a bit. For the coloring, you should put your black lines on a separate layer and color behind them. Desaturate your background colors and your characters and foreground will stand out better.
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Primary Source News | Spinzone Comics Collective

[Linear Comics]

Thanks for your help and I appreciate your honesty about the jokes element. It's probably just one of those things I will pick up as I go, or may be I just have a differing sence of humour. But many thanks for your help and I will try out what you said.

-Dan
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[NobleSavage]

Yeah, the jokes are little off to me too. I like the art, though the colored stuff could use some more work. Line art and text is good.

Are these the only two strips you've made? You should definitely make at least 50 strips to develop your idea/characters/humor/etc before you unleash it upon the world. Pick from those 50 your best few and put 'em out there, then see what people have to say. Once your ideas are well-rounded and you have a bigger selection of material to judge, you'll have a nicer product.
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Oh, and read 'Culture Plop', too.

[vulpeslibertas]

I also agree that it's not funny. I'll do my best to tell you why, though. Like all "Check out my comic" posts, keep in mind that this is my opinion, and not to be confused with actual, incontrovertable fact.

First Comic:
"TV Licence" may not be generic enough. There isn't enough information in the comic for me to deal with, so I'm not sure if it's supposed to be important or not. I'm wondering if there's something funny about TV Licences I'm supposed to be laughing at, or if it's the customer service. It's very wordy and has too many lines for a simple gag.

Try something more along these lines:
"Dave"
"Yes, Sir"
"I've just been informed you failed to threaten a customer with violence after she refused to purchase a J2703-B product licence."
"She said the unit worked fine without one"

The second panel has been completely cut out, which makes it flow smoother. The product is obviously generic, so I don't spend any time wondering about it. I'm much closer to the joke, which is: companies that use inane customer service policies to make money.

Second Comic:
The comic starts out with the action already happening. I don't know what's going on, or what has already happened. The comic concludes with no explaination for what happened. This causes me to wonder "What's going on?", rather than laugh at the comic. There is obviously a deeper background to this comic than what I'm seeing, which is not suitable for humor. Humor needs to be obvious, so let your audience in on the bigger picture. Be more specific.

Try something like these:
"I don't care what the advertisement said, I'm not 'standing by!'" <-This ending plays on something that is obvious. It's not particularly funny, because he is standing by, but if you added a dart board, or video game, or magazine to the scene, it would become funny. The funny thing in this case, is that Mr. Stevenson is supposed to be standing by, but is not. He considers the customer an intrusion on his job.

"I don't care if it works without the product licence! I'm sending over the hit squad!"<-This plays on something I already know from the first comic, Mr. Stevenson is supposed to threaten customers.

Or add a pannel to the beginning, a TV advertisement: "The Screw-master 5000. A necessity for do-it-your-selfers everywhere. To get today's special offer call 1-800-555-5555 and say 'Screw me' " Now the comic's humor resides in the commercial, which is causing customers to say perverted things.

The second comic is at a cross roads, there are too many jokes involved, so I don't know which one to laugh at. The first comic is too complex and confuses what is supposed to be funny.

Clean up the artifacts (The little white gunk at the borders of colored areas) There are different ways to do it, depending on what software you are using, but the easiest, most effective way to improve is probably to adjust your fill tool.

EDIT:
In response to noble savage's comment: It's generally agreed that you should have at least 20 comics online before you start advertising. You could probably get away with 10. Any less than that and people won't be able to pick up the mood of your comic.
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[Linear Comics]

Wow thanks vulpeslibertas, I'm going to work on my art work and colours and produce around 15 comics, and when I have done that and have got the colours flowing smoother etc. I will release it, but until then, many thanks for the help and it is much appreciated.

-Dan
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