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Sugary Planet

 
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shinubambi



Joined: 11 Jan 2013
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 5:52 pm    Post subject: Sugary Planet Reply with quote

i recently started a journal comic called Sugary Planet. It's less of a comic strip and more of an exercise to get myself drawing again, but I thought surely someone out there might find it interesting? I'm fairly new at all of this so any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.

i'll post the link in a comment.

please be gentle!
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shinubambi



Joined: 11 Jan 2013
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 5:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

this is the link:
http://www.sugaryplanet.com/

i'm still trying to figure out how to make the website look good, too, so any ideas on that would be appreciated as well.
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antleonardi01



Joined: 05 Feb 2012
Posts: 128

PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 9:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm going to be honest, what you're doing here is picking three things you did each day and telling your audience. It's just not very entertaining.

Why don't you try to write jokes or tell a story instead?

Right now it's just a journal.
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shinubambi



Joined: 11 Jan 2013
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 11:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i guess that's kind of what i am going for, though. a journal. i know it doesn't have much mass appeal without jokes or a concrete plot, but i'm hoping that as i get more of an archive going it will become more interesting in terms of watching my growth as an artist and a person and a story line may sort of develop on its own. i used to read a ton of webcomics but in the past year or so the only strips i've kept up with have been american elf (r.i.p.) and donation derby. what i love about those comics is their endearing, honest nature that isn't forced into the confines of a joke-a-day or planned story arcs. while i'm no where near as talented as james kochalka or dorothy gambrell, i still aspire to sort of capture the spirit that so attracts me to their works. i intend to keep up my current pace & format for a few months and if i don't start to see what i am hoping to achieve, then maybe i will try to make it more conventional by adding jokes. it's still in its experimental stages. thank you for your input, however. you make a very valid point.
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antleonardi01



Joined: 05 Feb 2012
Posts: 128

PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 3:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

By all means, please do your own thing. I am a huge fan of originality.

I think there is potential for this formula, but something is missing. You just aren't offering readers, who don't personally know you, a reason to come back. Maybe share more of yourself. Your insecurities and such might be interesting enough to read about, yaknow?

I write a joke a day / gag strip and you'd be surprised how challenging writing with a purpose in mind is.

Good luck.
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rylearron



Joined: 30 Jun 2011
Posts: 52

PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 1:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

antleonardi01 wrote:
By all means, please do your own thing. I am a huge fan of originality.

I think there is potential for this formula, but something is missing. You just aren't offering readers, who don't personally know you, a reason to come back. Maybe share more of yourself. Your insecurities and such might be interesting enough to read about, yaknow?

I write a joke a day / gag strip and you'd be surprised how challenging writing with a purpose in mind is.

Good luck.


Yeah I agree with Ant here. I read your entire backlog and got the feeling that either the target audience was either no one, or only people you personally know.

Perhaps a special page for new readers, but more importantly for people who are new to you, that explains in a little more about you and also the other people that will feature in the comic.

For example, the first comic with Shino Zero, I don't know you, I know Shino, or what your relationship is, truthfully I was under the impression that Shino was a girl until you finally used a male pronoun to subscribe him. Is vagueries like this that will make a journal webcomic a little inaccessible to new readers.
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shinubambi



Joined: 11 Jan 2013
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 6:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i made a new introduction page and put it in a blog post so it will show up at the bottom of the page, instead of getting lost within the comic updates.

http://www.sugaryplanet.com/?p=174

i was going for "humorous"
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rylearron



Joined: 30 Jun 2011
Posts: 52

PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 6:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I highly doubt a solid gold proton pack would be functional. Razz
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shinubambi



Joined: 11 Jan 2013
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 7:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

now you're just nitpicking
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antleonardi01



Joined: 05 Feb 2012
Posts: 128

PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2013 9:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The new one is a step in the right direction.

Let's say you hit the mall tomorrow. Instead of just saying "I went to the mall" in one of the frames, you could invent a little story of what you think would've been funny if it happened to you there.

Frame 1 : I went to the mall today

Frame 2 : I saw a group of boys. They called me a mean name.

Frame 3 : So I waited for the bastards in the parking lot and thats when they learned about the active grenades I carry in my purse.

Something like that, yaknow?

'cause if you aren't entertaining your audience, whats the point of posting them on the internet.
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SidneyConrad



Joined: 15 Jan 2013
Posts: 22

PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 6:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I really like the idea of a webcomic journal and conceptually, I really think you have something. The drawing style I happen to really enjoy as well. I just finished reading through your comics and I do have a couple suggestions that I would like that make.

I really like that you are handwriting your comics but it was sometimes difficult to read without squinting. I would suggest looking into getting your handwriting turned into an actual font for you to use. It would help you keep the same look you have now, but give your comics a cleaner look. A good example of this would be Natalie Dee (I would add a link so you could see it but since this is my first post, I'm not allowed to apparently).

My other thing is this, if this is meant to be a comic that shows your growth as a person then the reader really needs to get a feeling of who you are and your personality. Just stating what you did each day doesn't really show who you are. My favorite comic you've posted so far is your Jan 6, 2013 post. I liked the little added humor to it. But showing your personality isn't restricted to just humor. Instead of just saying what you did during the day, express your thoughts or feelings from events that happened that day. Or, if something happened exactly one year ago that had some major impact on your life, then instead of making a "what you did" post, write about that thing that happened. To me, some of the most successful webcomic aren't the ones that make me laugh, but the ones that made me feel some kind of emotion beyond some silly humor.

For my website, I have a links page. I am definitely planning to add your site to it because I really want to see how you grow through your webcomic. Looking forward to seeing future comics from you and I wish you the best of luck.
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shinubambi



Joined: 11 Jan 2013
Posts: 6

PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 10:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

allentmatthews--
thanks for the encouragement! i'm a huge fan of natalie dee, actually. i will look into the font thing. and i think i get what you're saying about showing my feelings, instead of just stating my activities. unfortunately, i'm out of town and not working on any strips but when i get back home and have my desk set up again i will try to add more reflection. i just started this, so i'm still trying to find a formula that works.
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Justinfh



Joined: 30 Sep 2012
Posts: 86

PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 4:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

shinubambi wrote:
i guess that's kind of what i am going for, though. a journal. i know it doesn't have much mass appeal without jokes or a concrete plot, but i'm hoping that as i get more of an archive going it will become more interesting in terms of watching my growth as an artist and a person and a story line may sort of develop on its own. i used to read a ton of webcomics but in the past year or so the only strips i've kept up with have been american elf (r.i.p.) and donation derby. what i love about those comics is their endearing, honest nature that isn't forced into the confines of a joke-a-day or planned story arcs. while i'm no where near as talented as james kochalka or dorothy gambrell, i still aspire to sort of capture the spirit that so attracts me to their works. i intend to keep up my current pace & format for a few months and if i don't start to see what i am hoping to achieve, then maybe i will try to make it more conventional by adding jokes. it's still in its experimental stages. thank you for your input, however. you make a very valid point.


Your site can still be a journal. Just tell stories from your life, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

In terms of Website, change the font color to black. The current font color is too hard on the eyes.
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