TWCL Forum Index TWCL
Forums for The Webcomic List
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Nagori

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    TWCL Forum Index -> The "Check out my comic" forum!
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
tftp



Joined: 05 Jan 2011
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Sat May 26, 2012 11:00 pm    Post subject: Nagori Reply with quote

Quote:
Nagori WebComic, a futuristic Sci-Fi thriller full of action and mystery. A strange artifact is found deep on Earth's surface. An object with amazing properties which may not be from here....or from now


http://www.nagori.co
http://www.mangamagazine.net/manga-and-comics/Nagori/detail-page/2499?lang=en
http://nagori.smackjeeves.com
http://nagoricomic.deviantart.com

This webcomic is nearly 1 month old, but its origins are much older than that Very Happy


Last edited by tftp on Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:32 pm; edited 2 times in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
vaslittlecrow



Joined: 01 Aug 2005
Posts: 735

PostPosted: Sun May 27, 2012 3:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I honestly feel like I am missing a lot and like I arrived in the middle of the story. An intro or background page might be really helpful, especially since the comic is so brutal. Even a paragraph would be helpful.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
tftp



Joined: 05 Jan 2011
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Sun May 27, 2012 4:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There's not much to explain, that's the beginning of the story, right when the artifact was discovered.
Anyways, what are you missing? Smile
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
vaslittlecrow



Joined: 01 Aug 2005
Posts: 735

PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 6:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am trying to figure out why the bully has a bullwhip. Is he a slave driver?
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
tftp



Joined: 05 Jan 2011
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2012 9:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Since he's not a main character, that detail is not very important is it? :p
Anyways, it's central america, guns are expensive, fathers probably handle something cheaper for personal defense, and that something can be snapped by their sons, specially if they're bullies Very Happy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
vaslittlecrow



Joined: 01 Aug 2005
Posts: 735

PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2012 2:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Considering that this minor character is torturing the cover character, that information is actually critical. As a reader, I would feel cheated if you as a writer glossed the details of an event that was important enough to use as the key promotional item (cover) for your story. That cover is a promise for your readers. If I can't compel a reader to care about or love to hate your characters once that person is reading the story, then why would a reader bother to reading your story unless there's a torture fetish involved? If satisfying a mindless torture fetish is your goal, then you have achieved it marvelously. I have a feeling that's not what you are after.

If you want the reader to care about the little boy's fate or to hate the bully on an emotional level, you need to start caring about the details. When you don't care about your writing, it shows. Sometimes minor characters are huge assets that suck your readers into fictional universes (Bobba Fett, for example.) Treat your creations and your readers with enough respect by paying attention to the small things. For example, in A Broken Winter (extreme violence warning), there's a torture scene conducted by very minor characters that reminded a lot of yours, even if the motivations were vastly different. In the very first page, you know EXACTLY why the child is being tortured and what is at stake. In your story, I am not sure why the bully is so brutal about the amulet. Does he know the value? Does he just hate the miner children? Why is he evil?

As a Puerto Rican who has been to Central America, (Guatemala and Southern Mexico, to be precise) I've observed that the most common self-defense tools tend to be insults, knives or fists. Maybe it's different elsewhere. But in my experience, unless the kid deals with cattle or sheep, the whip seemed to come out of nowhere. Also, if the kid is a hoodlum, the chances he'll have a gun, are higher than that of the general population. Maybe it would help if you assumed that not all of your readers are familiar with life in the specific area of Central America that you are dealing with (especially since the story is written in English) and would appreciate some minor tidbits (even within the story) introducing them to cultural nuance.

I read (and write) a LOT of fiction inspired by horrifying events in history, whether it's sci-fi or historical fiction. I am your target market. I am passing these observations along to you because your requested feedback. Take or leave what I mention. But realize how your work is making me feel as a heavy consumer of that type of work.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
tftp



Joined: 05 Jan 2011
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2012 3:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This village and its people only appear in the first 20 pages...they will never appear again for the rest of the story, literally :p
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
vaslittlecrow



Joined: 01 Aug 2005
Posts: 735

PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2012 7:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

But why?
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
tftp



Joined: 05 Jan 2011
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2012 7:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You'll know why soon Smile
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
vaslittlecrow



Joined: 01 Aug 2005
Posts: 735

PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2012 8:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I probably won't. Best wishes and good luck with your endeavors.
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
tftp



Joined: 05 Jan 2011
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2012 2:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter 2 is complete at last Smile
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
tftp



Joined: 05 Jan 2011
Posts: 8

PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chapter 3, page 5 is out.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    TWCL Forum Index -> The "Check out my comic" forum! All times are GMT + 1 Hour
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group

Hosted by Fluent
The Webcomics List is operated and owned by Ash Young. Syndicate the comic updates.