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UNBELIVEABLE YOU GOT TO SEE THIS

 
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lucid16



Joined: 15 Jun 2011
Posts: 4

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 3:28 pm    Post subject: UNBELIVEABLE YOU GOT TO SEE THIS Reply with quote

Ihave got a comic book idea that would blow peoples mind. I get alot of feedback from people about it and they say it's awsom. I am doing something like bringin the new age writing to the new age world. The somic book has got a good theme to. What I am looking for is a sponsor or people that know people. (I'm kind of a loner) But here is my story and a short glimpse at awsome.My name is Michael Barrett I go by the name Jacob. My phone number is 443-360-7571 My email Address is Kenteyes@yahoo.om

The name of my manuscript is called Lucid Dreams Here is a sample chapter. Lucid is not Just a normal fighter he was blessed from the Gods. He has super strength and he also has blue sky eyes with moving clouds inside(Instead of an eyeball there are just cloud). So he is a new type of superhero that I think could go far.





Morning came faster then he thought. He knocked on the Gates once. Who are you young soldier. My name is Lucid I have come to claim the princess of the castle. “ Ha Ha HA” you must be that Dream soldier everyone can’t stop ranting about. “Yes” Then where is your legendary brother. “at home I did need him for this conquest. Tessa who was trained to be warriors and worked well together called their soldiers forth. “If I kill all these people then can I have a meeting with the Princess” “ I am a prince you know”. Sure thing bud we will all throw you a Banquet said the one of the soldiers from at top the castle. He had poisoned his sword the day before and had a battle plan to rule the day. The first man lunged. at him and he went right by him he cut his leg with the poison sword and the man stood up in the air straight but was unconscious. The Swords Poisoned was quick through the body. The second and third attacked and he threw them into the side slicing their throat . They stayed standing like zombies.( He made a circular file lines of them from the door out all were standing up right and looked were dizzy)Then many attacked him at the same time and they were all left in a circle surrounding. In the middle of the circle he yelled “where is your general maybe he can deliver my message to the princess”. Them standing like Zombies made more and more come after lucid one by one they were all defeated. There was only a little whole in the barricade that he had made for the general to walk through. The general finally appeared he was known to be a great warrior It was general Sling of Tess. And he had size over Lucid But was surprised to see his tactics.” “SO you’re the dream warrior everyone has been talking about” Sling asked: the Name’s Lucid” Well Lucid prepare to die. The general put up a good fight in the middle of all his soldiers who had not fallen down yet. Lucid used them as a protective shield they were standing so that really no one could get through. He lunged at lucid with his sword and shield and Lucid blocked him every time. The general swung then he became tired. And Lucid waste not time. With his lightning speed struck him straight in the heart through his breastplate and when he fell the rest of the soldiers around all fell to. He did not stay to claim his prize he was there to deliver a message and he had done so.



I am almost finish with the manuscript. I am 75% done.

My name is Michael Barrett I am 25 yrs old I go by the Penn name Jacob. I live in Maryland . I have been writing ever since I could hold a pen. I do not have anything published ye. But I do read A lot I am interested in novels and comic books. I have had some good feedback about my book. What's unbelievable is that a great story like this has not been given the light of day by anyone yet. I'm hoping this posting will help me get noticed a littl bit. Ihave pics of the Protagonist and antagonist of my story If your intrested in seing what they look like send me a message.
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Old Herb



Joined: 27 May 2010
Posts: 21

PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 5:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I hate to rain on your parade, but the writing is far from captivating. I tried to visualize the scene, and it did not sit well with me at all. You should consider taking a writing class, improve the dialogue for starters, and then start considering fine-tuning a plot. Or if you're strapped for time and money, you could try TVTropes and learn a few things about what to avoid when you're writing a story.

To be honest, my first thought when I saw your post was 'This must be a Troll'.
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vaslittlecrow



Joined: 01 Aug 2005
Posts: 743

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 12:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A professional editor might be helpful as well.
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Kail



Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Posts: 424

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 5:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Old Herb wrote:

To be honest, my first thought when I saw your post was 'This must be a Troll'.


Eh, we get all kinds in here. The way the post reads makes me kinda hesitant to pick on the guy.

lucid16 wrote:
What I am looking for is a sponsor or people that know people.


Not too many publishers hanging around these boards, and the ones we do get are usually not really hungry for unsolicited scripts. Have you considered self-publishing? It sounds like it might be your best option. Otherwise, places like Kickstarter would probably be better places to look for funding.
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Wild Horse



Joined: 19 Jun 2011
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 11:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Lucid is not Just a normal fighter he was blessed from the Gods. He has super strength and he also has blue sky eyes with moving clouds inside(Instead of an eyeball there are just cloud). So he is a new type of superhero that I think could go far.


I like the idea of clouds inside his eyes, but apart from that he is just the Hercules superhero. To say he is a "new type of superhero" is a bit of a stretch. Perhaps you could give him a different angle.

I think a spell check could help you too. Given that you wrote this as a funding proposal, poor spelling from a writer really turns people off.
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rylearron



Joined: 30 Jun 2011
Posts: 52

PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm still not entirely convinced this isn't a troll, or just someone who thinks too highly of themselves. If you are indeed a real boy few words of advise. A couple of disjointed paragraphs with bad grammar and spelling are not a chapter, for that matter if you're trying to sell this as a comic book, and not a novel you should write panel breakdown instead of normal prose. Also why did you give out a phone number? Why? Seriously? Come on. And most importantly you need to proofread and fix all the spelling mistakes if you plan to have anyone take you seriously. You say your a 25 year old, yet your grammar and spelling makes it seem like your 12, or that possibly English isn't your first language.
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Wild Horse



Joined: 19 Jun 2011
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Wed Jun 20, 2012 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

rylearron wrote:
I'm still not entirely convinced this isn't a troll

Give him a buzz and find out Smile
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