Winger - The Prequel?
While sorting through some old cds i found my original story that ( much later ) mutated into Winger. It came about as TalkSport ( a UK Radio station ) had been mercilessly taking the piss out of the football "novels" of Steve Bruce ( ex Man U player and now a manager ). Lets just say that as a novelist , Steve Bruce made a good centre-half! My attempt to emulate him was called "Kit Man". So , for amusement only....
Chapter 1 of "Kit Man"
Evening cast a rosy tint over the Emma Burton Stadium . I stared into my cup of Dutch Cocoa and wondered where the day had gone. As manager of Championship hopefuls Leatherhampton FC , I had many Balls to juggle. There was an upcoming fixture in the Perry Scopo Cup , a possible Back Door into Europe. We were travelling to the Alvin Schockemuller Stadium to play Moving On, a fine Austrian side who had already knocked out Plush Interiors from Wales. The prospect of a long trip to Weltschmerz was already making me feel tired.
Also at least three of the Squad were missing , which was less than usual.
Justin Playdo , our mercurial winger was rumoured to be involved with a sultry temptress in the Jungles of Coco Rico….Lads , eh? Always up to summit!
What with all that and my other worries I felt like I was giving 117.5% to the Club.
“A-Hem” .There was a cough at the Door. It was Manfred Flinthoff , my steely midfield General and Team Captain. He looked a little uneasy.
“ I am sorry to be disturbing you , Herr Gaffer, only….” He shifted from one foot to the other.
“If it’s about getting the PA to play David Hasselhof at half time the answer is still No ! “ I said
“ Nein , its not that ….I am Man of zer World. I am not zer Mary Poppins . In fact , I am having more zan once zer Rumpy-Dumpy! “ He said
That conjured images I didn’t want to entertain so I let him go on
“ I zink zer lads are planning some , vot is the vord … Kinkiness! “
“ YOU WHAT ! “ I spluttered as the Cocoa went everywhere. There was a resounding crash as I kicked a Wastebin “ What sort of kinkiness …er , just out of interest”
“Vell” he replied “ I heard zem planning a party for our aging forward Pierre Roulade, 34. Zey vonted to have ein “ Whip-It-Out”
“Ha Ha” I laughed “ I think you mean a Whip-Round”
Manfred looked at me none the wiser.
“ I think that’s what they call an anagram , er, conundrum er anyway it’s a misunderstanding “ I explained what a Whip-Round involved and avoided mentioning Testimonials.
“A-Ha” Manfred lifted an eyebrow “ Your British Sense of Humour “ He laughed. Then Stopped.
“Anyway” I interjected “ I mustn’t keep you. Vot , er, Whats next on the Training schedule? “
“Ach Yes. I must hurry and enjoy Bondage viz my Team mates! “
I hurriedly made my excuses and left.